In March of 2020, Dawn and Dayo Olatokun were 5 years into their marriage and only interacted about their 3 kids or bills to be paid. The New york city City couple felt more like business partners than lovers.
A few months prior, Dawn, 40, had actually left her job to build a nonprofit, and the family had actually prepared to depend on 32- year-old Dayo’s income as an occasion host and Uber driver in the meantime. The pandemic hit. Dayo’s occasions were all cancelled, and he no longer felt safe driving for Uber because of the contagion danger. On top of that financial tension, they also needed to assist their 3 kids handle school from home.
With their marriage at a snapping point, they decided to pursue couple’s treatment. In November– on the exact same day of their first joint treatment visit after the intake session– Dawn checked positive for Covid-19 She was hospitalized, and her condition ping-ponged between extremes. The couple was uncertain if the permanently they had considered given will be gone.
When Dawn was finally released after the near-death experience, they recalled and recognized her disease was an effective driver to a happier, more caring marriage. Today, spouses Dawn and Dayo have a new appreciation for each other and openly reveal their love. Read on to hear how Dawn and Dayo navigated such a challenging time and came out of it with the silver lining of a more powerful relationship.
You began dating in 2012 and got married in2015 What was your relationship like prior to the pandemic?
DAWN: We were focused on the kids and their wellness due to the fact that life with us just happened so quick. After we got married, we never really had the time to spend with it being just us. Right after we got wed, I got pregnant.
DAYO: Interaction was minimal, and when we did interact, it was primarily about the exact same things: The kids, the costs, obligations. We were tired all the time from work.
How did the pandemic affect your task circumstance?
DAYO: In December of 2019, she left her job to pursue her nonprofit, and the plan was to develop the not-for-profit while I was working. We lost half of our income, but I was making that up as an occasion host. I was beginning to get more work, which would have compensated for the income we were losing on her end. And then all of my dates got postponed. My calendar was filled from February until December, and of course, February came, and after that came the pandemic, and we were in the space of “What do we do now?”
DAWN: When we did, it was more so the laundry list of things that had to be done.
DAWN: I would say that things started to get better once I began to go to treatment.
DAWN: It wasn’t until November 10 th, that night, when my body actually began to shut down.
Courtesy of Dawn and Dayo Olatokun
After leaving for a quarantine hotel, Dawn was hospitalized. What was that experience like for both of you?
DAYO: This was the very first time I had thoughts of what if I lose my spouse. In my head, I was seeing a funeral and imagining my kids crying at the funeral service. I’m like, this can’t be. I began hoping, like God, you can’t let this occur. I can’t visualize life without my better half. I require her. My kids require her. I was so depressed. I was overwhelmed with emotions. That was the very first time I legit believed my better half might potentially die.
DAWN: Once the fever came back strong, I began to think of if I were to die, who would take care of my girls and ensure that their hair was done, that they had a gown for senior prom, that they remain in the very best of schools because they’re so intelligent and simply thinking of my kid. How would he be impacted if I passed away? These were my thoughts, however I didn’t wish to put all of this on Dayo. That Wednesday I spoke to him, and I was so afraid. When the fever came back, I was actually preparing my last days in my mind.
How did your relationship change after such a difficult experience?
DAYO: It made me far more susceptible with her. When we spoke again for the very first time, and she stated things were improving, something felt different. Every time I was on the phone with her, I didn’t want to leave the phone. I attempted to FaceTime as much as possible so that I could see her. When she lastly came back home, I resembled a child. I was holding her all the time. I was kissing her all the time. She looked at me one day and resembled, where is all this love originating from? I was like, female, you have no concept, I thought I was going to lose you. Ever since, we have actually been far better. Much better. We talk a lot more. We communicate a lot more. We have pillow talk. We’re a lot more intimate. So that was a turning point.
DAWN: Something that I jokingly stated to him was, so I need to go through that to get some attention? However, really, he shared his heart. Rather than me having an attitude or lashing out, the way I react now is different. I’m a little softer. I am more gentle, compassionate about what he may be going through at the time, and more offered emotionally and helpful. I am grateful for life and having the ability to do life with him. I am taking full advantage of every minute.
How do you keep your restored connection?
DAYO: We have not been to an appointment for couples treatment post-Covid due to both people getting ready for major jobs: my book release and Dawn’s workshops for women. Nevertheless, we’ll be back on top of it when the book finalizing has actually concluded. Due to the fact that our communication has actually improved greatly, we deliberately set a “pillow talk” time for 9 p.m. as soon as the kids are in the bed. We have actually set that time apart to go over any pressing problems within our marital relationship, children, services, and general home. We’ve likewise intentionally reserved date nights throughout the month which gives us space to just focus on each other beyond our obligations.
What would you say to other couples in quarantine?
DAWN: Take this time of quarantine to get to know each other all over again. I understand that it’s rough, and some individuals have kids and costs. But simply be grateful for what they do have because so many have lost a lot throughout this time.
DAYO: Don’t wait till a crisis like Covid or something else hits, before you get that spark back once again, intentionally create time for each other. Whether it’s as soon as a week, twice a week, whatever it is. Both of you need to be on the same page and state we have to make time for each other.
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